By Geraldine K. Piorkowski
Romantic love is frequently an elusive, fragile, and tenuous kingdom, tough to keep up throughout time. The charges of divorce, re-divorce, courting violence, and abuse at the present time attest to the face we're failing at romantic love. And for teen-aged and grownup teenagers of divorce, romantic love might be specifically elusive. simply because they've got no roadmap for a lovely, strong romatic dating derived from their very own mom and dad, they're stressed by way of what love is and have a tendency to make negative accomplice offerings. Borrowing seriously from pop culture for unrealistic criteria concerning love, they develop into upset while their all-too-ordinary enthusiasts do not degree up. in particular liable to the issues their mom and dad had, they have a tendency to overreact in an analogous destructive style and are all too able to reflect on divorce while sadness moves. In trying to halt intergenerational transmission of divorce, Psychologist Piorkowski issues to how we will be able to realize that American pop culture provides an overly-sexualized, explosive, and superficial model of affection that cannot final. With this publication, grownup childrens of divorce can start to see how they've been laid low with familial reviews, and advance a brand new, reasonable map to discover extra enjoyable and enduring romantic relastionships.Piorkowski, in an intensive evaluate of literature, additionally seems to be at cultural elements and the way they impression romantic love and marriage. not like American well known culture's shallow rendition of romantic love, many cultures in other places on the planet emphasize compatibility, faith, and kinfolk allegiance. consequently, says the writer, such marriages seem extra sturdy than American unions outfitted upon the moving sands of emotion.
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Additional resources for Adult Children of Divorce: Confused Love Seekers
Because language and sex are seen as the primary modes of love expression within contemporary society, positive behaviors, including quality time together, small acts of kindness, and physical labor on behalf of one’s partner are viewed as less important. THE ABSENTMINDED LOVER AND OTHER TRANSGRESSIONS The partner who forgets birthdays and other important occasions is often viewed as unloving by those who believe that sensitivity and thoughtfulness The Fragility of Love 21 are cardinal features of love.
24 Adult Children of Divorce For the adult who grew up in a divorced or dysfunctional family, the uncertainty about what constitutes love is even more profound than for those growing up in intact families because of the contradictions and disparities regularly experienced in family life regarding love. Moments of affectionate closeness between parents followed by weeks of icy distance or turbulent conﬂict render the concept of love a mystery. The dynamics underlying sexual attraction described in this and the following chapter occur for adults from both divorced and intact families but are more pronounced and less tractable in dysfunctional families.
Over the past several years of their eight-year relationship, their sex life was reduced to three or four occasions a year, most of which were unsatisfying to Jean. Trying to reconcile her feelings of disappointment and anger with her love for Jeff, she nevertheless felt that her sexual self was dying from neglect. At the time she came in for counseling, she was considering a divorce. The positive aspects of their relationship, that is, their affection for one another, enjoyment of each other’s company, and meaningful conversations, were being outweighed by the lack 14 Adult Children of Divorce of physical intimacy.