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By Holm-Hadulla, Rainer Matthias

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A s these fantasies take shape i n m y m i n d , A n n a tells m e that she w o u l d like n o t h i n g m o r e than to d u m p e v e r y t h i n g , i n c l u d i n g her job at a u n i v e r s i t y department. M y i m p r e s s i o n is that, especially at the m o m e n t , this job is i m p o r t a n t to her, that it is significant a n d precious, like a toy i n w h i c h she finds a n expression of her o w n self. A c c o r d i n g l y , I go into her professional plans i n great detail a n d a m greatly struck b y the c o m m i t m e n t she d i s p l a y s to her w o r k w i t h the u n d e r g r a d u a t e students.

Occasionally, however, it has to be wrested from the 36 THE ART OF COUNSELLING A N D PSYCHOTHERAPY ongoing march of events. The rebirth of the waking ego from the embrace of night that takes place every morning is described in masterly fashion by Marcel Proust: But for m e it w a s e n o u g h if, i n m y o w n b e d , m y sleep w a s so h e a v y as completely to relax m y consciousness; for then I lost all sense of the place i n w h i c h I h a d gone to sleep, a n d w h e n I a w o k e i n the m i d d l e of the night not k n o w i n g where I w a s , I c o u l d n o t e v e n b e sure at first w h o I w a s ; I h a d o n l y the most r u d i m e n t a r y sense of existence, s u c h as m a y l u r k a n d flicker i n the depths of a n animal's consciousness; I w a s m o r e destitute than the cave-dweller; but then the m e m o r y — n o t yet of the place i n w h i c h I w a s , b u t of v a r i o u s other places w h e r e I h a d l i v e d a n d m i g h t n o w v e r y possibly b e — w o u l d c o m e like a r o p e let d o w n f r o m h e a v e n to d r a w m e u p out of the abyss of not-being, f r o m w h i c h I c o u l d never have escaped b y myself.

Even before that, his father had been mixed up in obscure dealings abroad and frequently "vanished" for lengthy periods. I encourage Roger to go on a more probing inner quest for his father, and then it occurs to him that his mother had stylized him into the exact opposite of his father, a good, gentle boy as opposed to the evil, aggressive husband. A t this point I put it to Roger that his fantasies may be a way of establishing relations with other aspects of his person­ ality that he experiences as being aggressive.

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